Wonderful Friday

Don't you just get that tingling feeling every Friday morning when you wake up to go to work? For some of us, it's the last day of work before we have to slave ourselves again come Monday. Two days of freedom. Two days to rediscover what life is, in whatever way we think is best for us. Whether its intoxicating the body with alcoholic beverages and animal pills surrounded by sweaty and jerking bodily movements in the most ear-piercing mind-shattering hot humid discotheque. Or sitting at home with the feet up on a rainy Sunday morning enjoying a good book and a hot chocolate and the beautiful pregnant wife sleeping on your lap. We all have our own ways to rest, re-energize the mind and body and prepare for the next five days which enable us all to put food on the table and enjoy this miracle of life...

But for me, it's a special Friday today. I went through a torturous and most horrid 2 weeks of my life ever. It was as if the planets had lined themselves up to focus a beacon of pain collected from the far corners of the universe aimed right through my heart. My soul wailed and writh in agony screaming and begging for mercy. My body ached and went through a series of horrifying spasms. It had probably been my own fault for letting myself having a go at this. For totally letting myself loose and mindlessly float in the uncharted waters. Of course it was exciting adrenalin driven adventure but I was never prepared for the intermission. You see, after nearly a month being drowned and suffocated in the blinding twillight and feeding my soul senselessly to the mercy of whatever it feels it wants, and then in the sudden of chaotic madness, my soul was fished out from the wrangling mess. It spluttered. Coughed. And waited a slow death.

Bob Marley's sweet serenade "Is this Love" rang in the back of my mind. Is this love? I ask myself. I don't know what love is. I know family kind of love. A friend's love. A mother's love to her child. But loving a woman. I don't know if I had ever done that at all. Yes I've been in and out of relationships but had it ever been love? The word love can be used in so many context and the plethora of meanings that it could grasp, thus so, present the word with variety of situation to be used. But to love a woman is probably the most complicated and emotion draining act one could ever experience. Brian May's lyrics to "Have You Ever Love A Woman" puts in a sweet and romantic indulgence.

But I, I think loving a woman is not really that of an enigma. It should be effortless. Voluntary act from your brain synapses to not being able to stop thinking about your other half. A basic instinct to your body, like how the heart pumps the blood to vital organs labourously. Helpless. You savour every single moment that you spend with her and go through the torments of the lonely times without her. I think I am learning to love. I think I'm beginning to get to know what love is. But most definitely, I know, that it is love that will be waiting for me tonight. How have I longed and waited for tonight to arrive.

"I want to be your sunshine when it rains,
The words in your poems,
The stars in your twillight,
and most of all,
The love in your life..."